***UPDATE at the end of the post
Hello Friends that I Love. I really do hope you’re doing well. Sorry (for the millionth time) posting has been so scarce over here.
Honestly? I didn’t really wanna write this post, even though He asked me too repeatedly. I can be childish that way sometimes.
Transparency is kinda my jam, asking for prayer isn’t really. I’m only just learning what a contradiction that statement is.
Because yesterday when Gabriel asked why we weren’t going to Grapevine and I told him my shoot had been canceled, his immediate response was “Is it because a baby is sick?” I replied yes, and he said “oh, that must be so scary” and said he would pray. And he did. And ten minutes later that babygirl’s mama (who had no idea we’d prayed) texted me to say that she was doing much better.
And then we walked into church and sat down to the beginning of a new (and wonderful) sermon series called “The Lord’s Prayer”.
“Anxiety is the opposite of prayer. Prayer is transferring the burden. We are only designed to carry burdens to His feet.” –Ps. Robert Morris
And then on the way out a young woman stopped us to say my husband had prayed for her to find a job a while back, she smiled a huge smile and said, “not only did I end up getting a job pretty quickly, but I got two!”
So maybe (probably) prayer works and it is not a bad thing to share when you need it…
I’ve mostly been a ball of nerves lately. Except when I am alone in my quiet house. Not in the shaky, squinty eyed, white knuckle, short of breath way I used to be, but there have been too few moments of stillness and peace in my head and heart. And I know, I know, having Five, (almost Six) kids will do that to you. But I also know it is not God’s plan for me to feel on edge while I finish out growing this Bebe Boy.
But though I am a planner and a fixer and a doer, I cannot plan or fix or do my way out of all these things on my own. (Maybe because I wasn’t meant to?)
So look, here’s the deal- we have a few things, (maybe a lot of things), that we need prayer for. And as much as the enemy would like for me to sit alone and get tangled up in the stress of all that, I’m not going to (anymore). I’m gonna let you guys in. And ask you to pray. And I’m gonna pray. And I’m gonna let it go. Because goodness, He has seen me through much harder times than this, but that doesn’t make this time less important, and I’m pretty sure He does not grow weary of seeing me (us) through.
Okay with you if I share the list that’s been swimming around my head and eating up my patience and peace?
1) A new Little One will join our family in about eight weeks. In only eight weeks. (Look I know we’ve had all this time to prepare, but lots of this time was eaten up by sickness and summer with Our Five, and the beginning of a new school year.) So here we are, only eight weeks from holding Number Six and feeling sort of overwhelmed with all there is to do before he arrives. I’m not a high maintenance kinda girl, the list of things to be bought is fairly simple (a bathtub, a pack and play, a swing, some socks, a million diapers, you know, the usual) but it is not nothing. And way down at the end of that list is a new vehicle. 2) Number Six will overflow not only our lives, but also our minivan. So we are thinking and planning and praying about how to go about and what to go about purchasing.
3) Most of you know that at the very beginning of this pregnancy Joooee was laid off by one company, and then hired on to a stay-at-home position in another, a tremendous blessing since I was going to be in bed for 17+weeks. And we are ever so thankful for this job, not sure how we would have survived without it. But it is a contract job. And it came a few weeks into my pregnancy, meaning two things: A) it is not the most stable of jobs. Not super consistent pay, and his contract is coming close to running out. And B) Insurance is kind of a bear for us. The pregnancy was considered pre-existing condition by the time he was hired, and yada, yada yada, it’s freakin expensive.
4) We would like for this whole “yours, mine, and ours” thing to be as cute and adorable as it sounds. And sometimes, (mostly) it is. But it is messy and hard sometimes. So there’s that.
And now I am laying down this list. At His feet. I am committing not to wring my hands over it or hang my head over it anymore.
Maybe you have a list, short or long. Maybe you can write it out and lay it down too? I know it helps me to get mine out of my head and onto a screen or some paper. If you would like to share your list here, we would be more than happy to pray over it, (right, guys?).
And would you say a little prayer for our little crew?
You guys are the best.
****UPDATE: So. Prayer does in fact work. Also. You people are totally AH-MAZ-ING and God is freaking AWESOME!
This post was not at all meant to be some sort of thinly veiled attempt to get people to give us stuff. But He is continually working on my willingness to lay down my pride and receive, from Him, from him, and from others.
And so, not more than 12hours after laying my list before his feet and your eyes, and humbling myself enough to ask for prayer… we were blessed with not one, but two baby swings:) And a most generous anonymous donation… ENOUGH TO COVER ALL MEDICAL BILLS and then some. It is still kind of rocking my world. But that is the kind of crazy, crazy Love He gives. And as much as I wanted to say, “oh, gosh, you don’t have to do that”, I needed to say “thank you”. And I did. And I will say it again a thousand times, in all the ways that I can, with hugs and tears and words and actions and prayer. God is so good. He Loves so lavishly. And my friends (that means you) are indeed the best. Yay for prayer, and generous hearts, and a God who sees. Selah.